Few people know this, but God revealed me to a while ago what His purpose was for me. I remember as I was fasting, I asked Him, determined to find an answer because I was tired of living for myself. I was tired of living for what I wanted to do and wanted to live for what God willed me to do. He created me for that purpose and I wanted to know what it is. God revealed to me that day that He wanted me to teach His word to young girls. Now if you know me, you know that I’m an educator, but I am also really introverted. I’ve gotten better with this, but at the time the thought of teaching God’s word was scary to me because I was not well-versed in it myself. I was just truly devoting my life to Him and the last thing I imagined myself doing was teaching other people how to follow Christ, when I was just learning myself.
In fact, I remember after He told me I kept trying to replace His word with “English” because I wanted to be an English teacher, but God kept repeating the same thing over and over again. He kept telling me that He wanted me to teach His word. The third time He said it, He said that the experiences that I’ve gone through will help with this. He was basically saying that all of the hard things I have experienced in life will be used to inspire other people and encourage them to keep fighting the good fight of faith.
Eventually I got past my own nervousness and began to grow excited about it. The closer I grew to God, the more I desired to do this and I got so excited that I began searching “how to start a youth group” on my own. I was making plans and finding out how to become a minister because I thought that’s what I would have to do in order to be allowed to teach one in a church. I would tell my boyfriend, Han, about the activities that I wanted to occur throughout the group and how I would make it relevant to what they are interested in today. God gently reminded me that it was not for me to make the steps to do so, but that God would lead the way. That all I had to do was trust Him and trust that this was His purpose for me. If I obeyed Him, I would be essentially going through the steps necessary to accomplish this goal.
Once I finally let Him take control, He began to provide me with experiences that would prepare me. For example, I was a part of a summer camp (which I plan on doing again) where we encouraged the children there to follow Christ through songs, bible studies, activities, and essentially being examples of His grace, ourselves. We showed them what forgiveness looked like whenever they misbehaved, we loved them like our brothers and sisters, and encouraged them to forgive others when they were wronged among other things. It was a great opportunity and God truly worked in my heart throughout that experience.
Throughout this year, God has been confirming this for me through the various opportunities He’s given me and through the people He’s confirmed this through. After sharing my testimony the first time with a few people, I was told that my story is one that would inspire a lot of young girls in the neighborhood and that I should try to lead my own youth group one day. This was without me telling them what God’s will was for me. Talk about confirmation! I would have never imagined a year ago that a girl like me, who three years ago almost ended my life could be used to encourage others who may be going through some of the same things I’ve gone through.
Fast forward to today, September 26, 2014, I am leading my first youth group tonight with a group of other followers of Christ. It just hit me a few moments ago how everything worked out and I ended up in the place that Christ wanted me to be, anyway, without having to do much of anything except to obey His commands/requests. The youth group is predominately girls that I will be working with to encourage them to seek or continue seeking Christ. I am humbled. I’m not sure if this is exactly what God was referring to when He said He wanted me to teach, but in my heart I know this is proof of His faithfulness. If you knew me before I really gave all of myself to Christ, you would probably be just as shocked as I am that now I’m TEACHING His word.
After all the rationalizing I did in the past to continue in my sin, He’s using me to share the gospel.
After all of the hardships I experienced that led me to almost commit suicide, He not only saved me that night, but He’s led me to speak about it in order to talk about His saving grace.
I’m so humbled that I am close to tears as I am typing this.
To have the opportunity to share my testimony and inspire the youth to follow Christ is honestly an honor. I am grateful and I am so shocked that I would even be considered for something like this. If you ever feel like God can’t use you because of things you did in your past, look to my testimony as one of the many examples of how God still uses people you really don’t expect Him to. That God can still turn our ugly pasts into a bright future that glorifies Him in the process, so it becomes a win-win!
You are not your past anymore. You are a new creation in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17).
Reflecting on this, I am immediately humbled and grateful. I’ve got a long way to go, but I am SO grateful for how far God has brought me and what He’s brought me from. God has TRULY saved me and my life experiences are an example of how gracious He is.
Thank you, Father, for being SO faithful. What I was deserving of, you saved me from and instead gave me SO much more. You are the ONE and ONLY Savior. I cannot save anyone, but I am grateful that you are giving me the opportunity to continue to encourage them to fight the good fight of faith and love you.
You are the greatest Savior, Husband, Best Friend, and Creator.
Seriously, thank you for saving me.