To be completely transparent, marriage is something that I had been dreaming about for a while now. After devoting my life to Christ again and realizing that marriage is a beautiful, God-given covenant that is supposed to model our (the Church) relationship with Christ, the desire to get married began to resurface again. Once I became more intentional about my relationship with Han and where I wanted it go, I began thinking about whether or not I saw myself marrying him. If I could see myself signing my name away to share his and it was a resounding yes. Our relationship has it’s challenges, but the more I see Christ move in us both and the more I see Christ in Him as he uses us both to grow each other, the more I see myself marrying him. Not to mention, I love him and I think he’s a great guy. He has his faults, I have my faults, and we both have growing to do, but the “must haves” are covered. Besides, there’s no one else that I would want to share this journey of growth with.
However, what soon began to happen is that I began making an idol of marriage without realizing it. I found myself going beyond the dreams and starting to get a lot of anxiety about marriage. I was beginning to grow concerned and began to calculate it all too much. I was thinking about timelines (which is fine), but it was to the point where I was getting a lot of anxiety about it and how it would fit around how I imagined my life.
I was reminded really quickly by God that I’m not in control of any of this when our timelines were different. Man, did it crush me. This was not because of anything he did, but it was because I’d be thinking things and I had this timeline in my mind for us. I’d even begun planning things like my job around it all. In theory this is fine, but God is the only planner. What need do I have to plan these things, when God can change those plans in a minute? God can shift BOTH of our timelines to something that’s completely not what we expected, but as with all things that He does, it ends up being perfect for us both.
The Lord began to remind me and show me how He is enough. Marriage is a wonderful thing to desire, but I had begun to make an idol of it. I should be planning my life around what God wants me to do and following His lead, not following my own man-made plan. It’s okay to plan, but we should also be going to God about these plans. I was beginning to idolize it so much that it was beginning to leave me disappointed and even a little envious when I would see weddings of TV because the enemy would remind me that that’s not me. In fact, I remember a few different times where I would see someone getting married and I’d want to be happy for them, but the enemy would try to throw it back up in my face about the fact that our timelines were different. I didn’t want to get married like yesterday, but my timeline was definitely shorter than my boyfriend’s. It was turning me into someone I did not want to be, so I cried out to God and asked Him to help me. I asked Him to remind me that He was enough.
I praise and thank God for the work He’s been doing in me. I’m still growing in various areas, but even if I never get married in my life on earth, I believe that God is enough. I know that He is enough. Even if my life doesn’t turn out the way I expected in the timeframe that I expected, God is still gracious, He’s still good, and He’s still perfect. He’s what I desire and He’s all I want. Time is too limited to be daydreaming about things that haven’t happened yet. We have to shift our focus on what’s important and who’s important. While I believe God placed this desire to get married in my heart for a reason, I had to get to the point where if it wasn’t in God’s plan for me to get married, I would still be okay with it.
Think about it. You could put so much energy into a marriage and it could fail (God forbid), then what will you fall back on? You cannot fall back on your marriage or your husband. There are things that your husband cannot help you with and voids that he cannot fill. Those voids will only can only be filled by Christ, Himself.
God truly is enough. God’s love is better than ANY other love that I’ve experienced and that’s saying a lot. I love my boyfriend, but I’m sure he can agree that only God’s love is pure. His love is so good!
Sis, I know you want to get married, but remember that we’re already in a relationship with Christ, too, and His relationship gets priority. He’s so good, sis.
Christ is the focus! God reminded me that while marriage is a beautiful thing, we cannot idolize it more than Him because only HE sustains. Marriage should glorify God because it’s only through Him that we can we love the way He wants us to love. Our earthly marriages are an example and extension of our (the Church) eternal marriage to Christ — not a way to engage in sexual intercourse without sinning.
Marriage is SO much more than just sexual intercourse and deeper intimacy. If our reason or getting married is just so we can have sex, we’re missing the entire point and focus of what marriage should be about. Marriage is not about ourselves. It’s deeper than sex. It’s deeper than companionship. It’s about Christ. It’s an extension of our relationship to Him as His bride and church.
Marriage is not the focus and the reason — Christ is. Marriage should glorify Him — not ourselves and if our desire to get married is more than our desire to know the Lord that’s scary because a husband isn’t going to solve my problems. Love is great and I love my boyfriend, but Han isn’t God. Han does a lot, but there are things only God can do. My relationship isn’t what saves me. Relationships are beautiful, but our relationships shouldn’t be our first priority.
My relationship isn’t what I run to when things are falling apart — it’s Christ.
My relationship isn’t the thing that grounds me and gives me unspeakable joy — it’s Christ.
My relationship doesn’t free me — it’s Christ.
Christ is and should always be my priority. Time is too limited and our days are far too numbered to think that our purpose on earth is to be married and to be married for ourselves. Marriage should glorify Christ, who should be at the focus of our lives. God cares about our hearts and our needs, but our focus should be on Him.
I am not married yet and while it’s something I desire, I have learned that I should not desire it more than the Creator of love Himself.
I did not create this post to talk bad about marriage. Marriage is a WONDERFUL thing and I believe that whenever I am married (if God wills it), it’ll be a beautiful thing. I believe marriage is fun and is a wonderful covenant, but I also believe that being married has it’s challenges. I believe marriage is something to be taken seriously — not just something that allows us to have sex or something that seems like the thing to do. Marriage is not something that should be used to make us feel secure and feel as if our man loves us because he’s willing to commit to us in that way. Marriage is a serious commitment and covenant that should glorify God — not because it’s perfect, but because it includes Him. Marriage requires sacrifice. Marriage takes work, it takes compromise, and it takes a Savior like Christ to help it sustain the test of time. This is why it’s important to me that Christ be at the center of my life now and whenever I get married. A relationship cannot sustain the tests of time and the difficulties of life without Christ. We need Him! I need Him. I’m a different person without Him and His presence. I cannot be selfless without Him.
I am not married, so this post is mainly for my singles and courting couples who are finding themselves in a tough position where their heart is desiring marriage so much that they find themselves growing more and more disappointed that it has not happened yet. I know it’s hard to wait, but trust God and trust that whatever His will is for you (whether marriage or not) is perfect. He knows what He’s doing. Grow to love Him and develop a relationship with Him. He desires you more than you desire that wedding ring. Allow Him to change you. I’m praying for you, sis.
Christ sustains. Christ builds. Christ loves and Christ fulfills. No man, no relationship, and no marriage is more important than that.